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150 Rules of Being Bro (part IV)
How to be a Bro by “The Bro Code” written by Barney Stinson of the How I Met Your Mother
Article 91: If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname
Article 92: A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance
Article 93: Bros don’t speak French to one another
Article 94: If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees
Article 95: A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally. (The shoes tap, The eye redirect, The swift shin kick *D cups and up only, please*)
Article 96: Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire
Article 97: Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro’s college’s ass all over the field this weekend
Article 98: A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event
Article 99: A Bro never asks for directions when lost
Exception: A Bro may as for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area
Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost
Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he is not lost at all.
Article 100: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.
Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he’s not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.
Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave* This is what makes them Bros, not chicks. *And beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death.
Article 102: A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
Article 103: A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.
Article 104: The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing…provided she looks good in it…but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes
Article 105: If a Bro is not invited to another Bro’s wedding, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it, even if, let’s face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It’s cool. No big whoop.
Article 106: Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night
Article 107: A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging
Article 108: If a Bro forgets a guy’s name he may call him "brah", "dude", or "man" but never "Bro"
Article 109: When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contrary.
Article 110: If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome
Article 111: If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages. It’s called a Termination in Bro-speak
Article 112: A Bro doesn’t sing along to music in a bar.
Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke
Exception to exception: No chick songs
Article 113: A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick
Acceptable age difference formula
Chick’s age = Guy’s age divided by 2, + 7
Article 114: If a Bro must crash on his Bro’s couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall sheam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable
Article 115: A "clothing optional" beach doesn’t really mean "clothing optional" for Bros
Article 116: A Bro shall not kill another Bro or a Bro’s chances to score with a chick
Article 117: A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel
Article 118: When a Bro is with his Bros he is not a vegetarian
Article 119: When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar…a Brotorcycle
Article 120: A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name