All the rules » Date

The Playbook. 9 Rules to Pick Up Girls by Barney Stinson

admin — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 07:16:22 +0000

How to pick up chicks.

“The Playbook” is a new book by fictional character Barney Stinson from “How I Met Your Mother”. “The Playbook” contains every scam, con, hustle, hoodwink, gambit, flimflam, stratagem and bamboozle Barney ever used — or ever hopes to use — to pick up chicks and give them the business.

1. “The Don’t Drink That”

Location: Bar

Action: Run to the girl, grasp her by the hand.

Dialogue:

You Whoa, don’t drink that. I saw some guy slip something in there.

Girl What? Who?

You Uh… that guy.

Girl Thank You.

2. “The Mrs. Stinsfire”

Location: Girl’s dorm

Action: Make up like Robin Williams in “Mrs. Doubtfire” from Chris Columbus’ movie.

Dialogue:

Girl Now Kappas, after our disciplinary hearing for lewd behavior last semester, we have been signed a new housemom. I’d like You to meet Mrs. Stinsfire.

You Hello, girls!

3. “The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn”

Location: Bar

Action: To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here’s what You’ll need: Basic knowledge of Web site design and a very unique fake name. So, think of Your fake name right now. Have You got it? Good.

Now, select Your target. Preferably a girl with a real ni… phone.

Dialogue:

You Yeah, it’s me.

Girl Do I know You?

You I’m Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.

Girl Are You, like, famous or something?

You Yes. What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet You…

Girl Shelly.

You Shelly. Once again, I’m Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds two “T”s. Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Ciao.

Then, as soon as You’re gone, she gets out her phone and does an Internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that’s when she discovers. A series of fake Web sites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There’s the fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake Explorers Club newsletter describing his balloon trek to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring the heartbreaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn’t an option. And by the time You get back.

You Hi, Shelly, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy You a cup of coffee?

Girl Yes! Please.

You What does coffee go for these days, $50?

Girl Oh, Lorenzo.

And it is on.

4. “The SNASA”

Location: Bar

Action: Talking about secret NASA

Dialogue:

Girl Wow, You’re an astronaut?

You Shh! I’m actually in a top secret government space program called Secret NASA or SNASA.

Girl Wow, SNASA.

You Mm-mm.

Girl Do You go to the Moon and stuff?

You Well, not the Moon You’re familiar with, though I have been to the Smoon.

Girl Wow, the Smoon.

5. “The Cheap Trick”

Location: Bar

Action: Create an image of musician of rock or metal band

Dialogue:

You I’m the bass player for “Cheap Trick”.

6.“The He’s Not Coming”

Location: The observation deck of the Empire State Building

Action: To perform “The He’s Not Coming” here’s what You’ll need: The observation deck of the Empire State Building. Are You there? Good. For generations, this has been the spot New Yorkers have chosen for their romantic reunions with long-estranged lovers, so all You have to do is walk up to every girl You see and say… “He’s not coming”.

Dialogue:

You He’s not coming.

Girl He’s not? But we agreed. We always said we’d meet here. On this night. I’m such a fool.

You Shh, shh, shh…

7. “The Ted Mosby”

Location: Bar

Action: Dress up like Ted Mosby and say how You got left at the altar

Dialogue:

You I got left at the altar.

8. “The My Penis Grants Wishes”

Location: Bar

Action: Dress up like Alladin or lamp.

Dialogue:

Girl Really? A genie comes of it?

You Only if You rub it hard enough.

9. “The Scuba Diver”

Location: Bar

Action: Step one: tell a meddlesome female friend about “The Playbook”. Run play on one of her coworkers, king her so angry. She steals “the Playbook”.

Put on a scuba suit and tell her You’re going to do one more scam called “The Scuba Diver” on the hot girl standing by the bar.

Your friend — let’s call her Lily — goes and talks to the girl and tells her everything about “The Playbook”. Now, here’s where it gets tricky. When Lily and the girl ask at “The Scuba Diver” is, about Your deep-seated insecurities which don’t really exist because — let’s face it — You’re awesome. Feeling bad for You, Lily talks You up to the girl, who then agrees to go get coffee with You.

And it… is… on.

4 rules of Choosing Wine

admin — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:19:45 +0000

How to choose right wine.

The wine. Drink of Gods. Wine can make your dinner perfect. Combination of different wines and plates can create unforgettable sensations. So how to choose wine to make your dinner enjoyable and tasty? And how to choose wine when you are at date?

1. Find good wine shops or dealers

Firstly, wine must be of high quality. Try to buy wine in special shops because they are interested in selling perfect wine. They want you return again and again.

Sellers in that kind of shops can give your wise advice. They are good in choosing wine. Try to listen to them and keep in mind everything useful about wine. Remember that everyone has different taste. There are no universal rules in choosing wine. Good specialist always asks you about your personal preference. And of course he must know price range and your meal to give you good advice.

2. Know about type of wine

Wines are categorized by species of grape. Different types of grape are cultivated in special climatic environment. For example, the best climate for Pinot Noir grape is in Oregon, New Zealan, some parts of California and Burgundy. If you read in the label that this bottle of Pinot Noir from South of France it would be better to not buy this wine

3. Choose the wine you like

Everybody has his own taste. When you drink wine and you like it, remember what wine it is or better write it in your notebook.

4. There are no rules in choosing wine

There are some recommendations and advices, but there are not restricted rules. White wine is good with fish. Red wine is better to drink with meat. But you can ignore these rules and try different wine with different dishes.

The world of wine is rich. Enjoy it. Taste it.

3 Gremlin’s Rules in Relationship with Girls

admin — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:45:19 +0000

How keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend.

In “How I met your mother” Barney Stinson teaches Ted Mosby how keep a girl from becoming girlfriend. It’s very simple. The rules for girls are the same as gremlins.

1. Never get them wet

In otherwards, don’t let her take a shower in your place.

2. Keep them away from sunlight

Don’t ever see them during the day.

3. Never feed them after midnight

Meaning she doesn’t sleep over and you don’t have breakfast with her, ever.

150 Rules of Being Bro (part V)

admin — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 22:24:35 +0000

How to be a Bro by “The Bro Code” written by Barney Stinson of the How I Met Your Mother

Article 121: Even if he’s never skied before, a Bro doesn’t trifle with the bunny slope.

Article 122: A Bro is always psyched. Always.

Article 123: Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn’t do anyway, or at least not very often.

Article 124: If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Bowling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.

Article 125: If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.

Article 126: In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

Article 127: A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.

Article 128: A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preffered that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code…half naked from the waist up, naturally.

Article 129: If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.

Article 130: If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.

Article 131: While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car’s ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he’ll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.

Article 132: If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ

Article 133: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.

Article 134: A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman

Article 135: If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copilot:
(1) foot race to the car,
(2) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles,
(3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.

Article 136: When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than an uninterested "It was okay"

Article 137: When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros

Article 138: A real Bro doesn’t laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.
Exception: Unless he doesn’t know the guy.

Article 139: Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro"

Article 140: A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law)

Article 141: A Bro can only get a manicure if
(a) he’s trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or
(b) it’s been longer than a month since his last manicure.
Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.

Article 142: A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

Article 143: When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers of grasping his Bro’s hand

Article 144: It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it’s still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoon-age by arm wrestling to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.

Article 145: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion

Article 146: A Bro refrains from using too much detain when relating sexual exploits to his Bros

Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro’s back
Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy.
Exception: If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week.
Exception: If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody’s back.

Article 148: A Bro doesn’t listen to chick music…in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

Article 149: A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars

Article 150: No sex with you Bro’s ex. EVER!

150 Rules of Being Bro (part III)

admin — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 19:44:12 +0000

How to be a Bro by “The Bro Code” written by Barney Stinson of the How I Met Your Mother

Article 61: If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro’s anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 62: In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven’t purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they’re the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.
*Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

Article 63: A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection.

Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro’s favourite sports team in a playoff scenario.

Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.

Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a ‘that sucks, man’ and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

Article 68: If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. (Dry spell trumps hot streak)

Article 69: Duh.

Article 70: A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro’s trip or general well-being.

Article 71: As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.

Article 72: A Bro never spell-checks.

Article 73: When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.

Article 74: At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car infront of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he’ll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

Article 75: A Bro automatically enhances another Bro’s job description when introducing him to a chick.

Article 76: If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic Barry White-esque tone

Article 77: Bros don’t cuddle

Article 78: A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman

Article 79: At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall lightheartedly pretend he’s not horrified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.

Article 80: A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle, short of completing the tricycle himself.

Article 81: A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

Article 82: If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize to make amends. That’s inhuman.

Article 83: A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever “love” thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker.

Article 84: Bro shall stop whatever he’s doing and watch Die Hard if it’s on TV.

Article 85: If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.

Article 86: When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.

Article 87: A Bro never questions another Bro’s stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.

Article 88: If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro’s car, he shall not adjust the pre-programmed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.

Article 89: A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro.

Article 90: A Bro shows up at another Bro’s party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six pack, he shall bring a six pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.

8 Rules of French Kiss

admin — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:53:55 +0000

How to French Kiss

Everything someday happens for a first time. A lot of information about new things are in our genetic memory. Just relax and do what your mind you prompts. But if you want to be prepared theoretically read these rules of French Kiss.

1. Make your lips moist

You will feel yourself uncomfortable with dry lips. Just moisten your lips with the tip of tongue.

2. Turn your head a bit

Tilt your head to avoid collision of tour noses. Almost all people angle their heads to right.

3. Close your eyes

Commonly peoples close their eyes when they are kissing. But there are those who don’t. It’s a matter of taste. But unless you know your partner good it’s better to close your eyes.

4. Do not hurry

Start with a soft closed-moth kiss and then go further, slowly open your lips.

5. Do not persist

Both partners must be ready for French Kiss. To know if your partner wants it too during the closed-moth kiss open your lips slowly and brush your tongue against your partners lips very slightly. If she or he doesn’t respond in the same way retreat. Keep it for next time.

6.Play with your tongues

The tongue is very sensitive part of our body. During the French Kiss gently push your tongue a little further. When your tongues touch each other you will feel a pleasant feelings. Play with your tongues.

7. Act slowly

Be calm and slow. Explore each other. Feel the moment.

8. Do not think, do

Nothing to explain. Just do.

7 Rules for First Date

admin — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:06:01 +0000

How to avoid common mistakes at the first date

First date is always nervous. And it’s easy to make little mistakes. There are 7 rules to eliminate the possibility to make location-based missteps.

1. Find affordable place

First date is just first opportunity to know each other better. Don’t spend a lot of money. Keep it for future when you realize that she is the one.

2. Choose a “talkable” place

To know each other you need a place where you can talk without let or hindrance. The cinema or overcrowded pub are not the best decisions. Find a calm café or restaurant; go for a walk in park.

3. Feel yourself comfortable

Don’t queer yourself with new clothes or shoes. It may be embarrassing for you if your new shoes are rubbing your heel. Do everything to feel you comfy.

4. Choose the place for a date that easy to find

Hard-to-find place may ruin your first date. You should avoid any obstacles. If she has to search this place too long she may turn nasty.

5. Beware alcohol

It’s not prohibited to drink on first date. But be careful. Too much alcohol may lead to disaster.

6. Keep the time to talk

If you decide to invite her in dinner theater or take an alpinism lesson or some else activity keep the time to talk with her. The conersation is the key to relationship.

7. Be careful with a sacrifice

If you want to impress her and do something you don’t like it’s a mistake. You won’t win anything from this sacrifice. Find something that you enjoy together.

Relax and be yourself.

Avoiding Common Mistakes at the First Date Mind Map

Download:

7r_f1stdate.mmap.mmap (30 kb)
7r_f1stdate.pdf (11 kb)